Lately I’ve been feeling overwhelmed.

Many of my days recently have begun well before the sun crests over the mountains, waking at four or five AM wired and restless, my brain making lists, sifting through the worries piling up like student papers, filing and re-filing any number of questions and possible answers: What are we going to do for ceremony music? When do we introduce Steve’s dog to my cats? Are the bridesmaids’ dresses I selected going to work?

Then I feel silly, and guilty. After all, I remind my inner Bratty Bride (she is quite the worrywart), marrying the love of one’s life is a privilege, not a pain. A quick look at the world outside my sphere reveals tragic events genuinely worthy of worry and grief: an Amtrak train derails outside Philadelphia, killing 8 passengers and injuring many more. A second devastating earthquake strikes Nepal, decimating the land and its citizens.

To sit and fret over the fact my hairdresser of three years is moving to South Dakota in June is…well, I can’t even even finish that sentence. There’s no comparison. It’s too absurd.

Yet a wise friend of mine once observed that while comparing (mis)fortunes can offer much-needed perspective, your own experiences are still real and valid, and you need not deny your own feelings just because others have feelings too (even ones bigger and harder to bear). And it’s true that some of the decisions we’re facing aren’t exactly trivial: How do we stay within budget and still include everyone we want to include? Will we keep separate checking accounts or merge our finances? Where are we going to live after we’re married? And whose sofa stays, whose goes? Continue reading →